What is Intraconnection?

When I wrote about fear and self-sabotage the other day on Linkedin, I got a couple of direct messages from people that I know to thank me for openly speaking about fear. That is when I realized that fear is still a hardly addressed topic on social media.

How come? Fear is still a taboo thing because it makes people feel uncomfortable. In a system that has us aiming for perfection, admitting that we are not perfect can feel scary.

However, fear is present nowadays and shows up in many different ways: some people lower their voices and try to go unnoticed, some run away from conflict while others react with anger. Some people become helpers and focus on meeting other people’s needs. Some try to control their environment, others give up their dreams and never leave their comfort zone. Many become invisible to themselves.

Does this sound familiar to you?

It does to me. I was one of them. I was the nice girl.

I avoided conflict, I never said what I wanted, I adapted to whatever my surroundings expected of me and became the person who focused her attention on pleasing her social circles. And it naturally took me years to see and accept my dreams, too. Why? Because deep down inside, I was terrified of being abandoned, so the way I learned to avoid a potential rejection was by staying tuned to people’s emotions. Consequently, the more I did for others, the more disconnected I grew from myself.

I remember saying to my therapist back then: I don’t feel my feet on the ground. 

Do you see the relation here? We sacrifice the connection to ourselves to keep the illusion of being connected to others - which makes total sense, as we are social beings. However, a true connection will never imply self-sabotage. 

So, an interesting thought on this: is it truly a connection if you can’t be yourself to keep it alive? Is it a genuine connection if it vanishes once you start taking up space and speaking your mind? Is it honest when it is born out of fear? 

Is it worthy it? You say it.

Fear resides in the subconscious and carries information that needs to be deconstructed and integrated into the conscious mind. Fear teaches us the way to reconnect with ourselves: to foster intraconnection.

Intra-connection (from latin intra-, meaning within) is the core of every further relationship: it is the relationship you have with yourself. The same way you learn to trust a friend, a neighbor or a colleague, you need to get to know yourself, in order to trust yourself. 

We fear what we don’t know.

So… what about you? How deeply do you know yourself?

What are you afraid of?
What do you value the most in life?
How do you define success?
What triggers you? And why?
What are your three ‘‘non-negotiables’ in a friendship?
How did your childhood shape you?
What are your strengths?
What did you learn in your previous partnership?
What do you need in order to feel connected with yourself?
What do you crave in life? And why?

Some questions are easier than others, I’m sure, for most of them demand time, patience, and introspection work.

As a coach and a trauma survivor myself, I believe that every single person carries the answers to those questions and the power within to create a fulfilling life. My job is to help people discover their inner world in order to meet themselves and others in an authentic way. I recommend you take a look at further articles on this site, so you get a better understanding of trauma, survival strategies, and healing resources. Should you feel ready to have a call, get in touch with me - It will be my honor to assist you. 

The first step always begins with yourself. How life unfolds is always your choice.